How to make friends, part 1
How to make friends, part 3
How to maintain a friendship
How to end a friendship
You’ve wrestled with your fear of rejection, decided to be braver and less lonely, and are ready to make some new friends. Now do this.
1. Carry business cards or personal cards wherever you go. If it’s a personal card, it should have your contact info, but only what you’re comfortable giving to strangers. It can just have your name and phone number, or your name and email address or whatever you prefer (Instagram handle). Put one in your wallet and/or your phone or whatever you have on you at all times. You must be ready to make friends at any time, even standing in line at the grocery store.
2. The card is really just a prop. When you give it, make sure to get
their contact info in return. Getting their contact info is actually a thousand times more important than giving yours. People will say, “I’ll just take your card and send you a text. I promise. I swear I will!” DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. I’ve had SO many people say this to me who did not do it.
When someone accepts a thing from someone else, it implants the desire to reciprocate. When they accept the card you just handed them, they feel the imbalance of an unfinished exchange. Complete the exchange by getting their contact info. Hand them your phone and have them put it right in.
Americans will often tell you what you want to hear in the moment, then forget all about you. You will lose the connection if you depend on them to contact you. It won’t happen. Instead get their contact info. If they simply refuse to give it, they aren’t looking for a new friend.
3. Always be on the lookout for people who seem like they’d be a cool person to have a conversation with. That’s all you’re looking for: someone you’d like to have a conversation with. If you think you’re looking for your Best Friend Forever, you’ll sink yourself.
When you come across an interesting person, say something like, “Hey, would you like to get together some time for a cup of tea/coffee/a drink/lunch?” Or maybe, “You know so much about XYZ. Could we get together later to talk more?” When they say yes, give your card and get their contact info!
You might run into such an interesting person at Starbucks, but it’s better to put yourself in places where people are open to meeting new people. I’ve made new friends at parties, Meetups, political events, lectures, networking events, coworking spaces, cafes, community organizations, churches, synagogues, social clubs, classes and more that I can’t think of right now.
What do you do with that contact info? Next in How to make friends, part 3.