I Love Turning 50!

When a ten-year-old declares on her birthday that she’s all grown up now, no one tries to take that away from her. They don’t say, “No, you’re not. You’ve got a long way to go. You’re just a little kid.” No one says that to a ten-year-old because they understand the context: compared to how old she used to be, being 10 is a big deal! Please give me a similar response. When I say, “I am now officially old!” respond with a statement like, “Congratulations!” not “You’re not old. You’re still a youngster.” When people say things like that to me, it feels like they’re dumping a bucket of discouragement over me.


Being told that 50 isn’t old also sounds very patronizing, especially when it’s said to a woman. The stereotype is that women want to stay young forever and we require constant assurance that we are succeeding. F@#$ that. (And don’t give me that “50 & Fabulous” crap either.)


I suspect part of the problem is that my peers take my claim of “oldness” personally. They worry that if Regina is old at age 50, how old does that mean they are? This is just insecurity and overfunctioning. If a 10-year-old calls herself “old,” does that make a 25-year-old think, “Damn, then I’m ancient. Oh, no!” No, the 25-year-old knows the 10-year-old’s statement has nothing to do with her. Please, people. Let’s keep in mind that we’re all separate.


So I thank you in advance for not trying to talk me out of my age and wisdom and I leave you with this list.


(Just Some) Reasons It’s Great To Be 50 Years Old:

1. You have more authority to talk about things that happened, even in the distant past, because you were there.
2. People can no longer give you that patronizing “Wait until you get older. You’ll change your mind.” (For example, when a 50-year-old says “I don’t want children,” you have to believe her!)
3. Your opinions count more because they’re based on actual experience and not speculation (such as managing employees, child raising, running your own business, divorce, surgery).
4. The cost of auto insurance goes down.
5. It’s easier to rent an apartment, get a loan and do other things that people size you up for based on your appearance.
6. You have more confidence to not put up with the same bullshit as when you were young.
7. You’re closer to the end of that annoying, painful, expensive process called menstruation!
8.  It’s the age when the senior discounts begin.
9. Salespeople who think you have more money (than young people) are often nicer to you.
10. Women have a brief window of time during which we’re neither too young to be taken seriously nor too old to be taken seriously. When we’re 50, we’re in our prime for being seen as authorities!

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