Last night I went to a birthday party. There were so many delicious homemade dishes (it was a potluck) that I ate very slowly so I wouldn’t over do it. But there was birthday cake. I ate birthday cake. I also had a cookie and half a donut.
I hate that I inherited my father’s sweet tooth, got hooked on sugar as a child, formed emotional attachments to the act of eating sweets and have had to work like hell for decades to try to get rid of this addiction. And it’s not gone. On nights like last night it feels like my obsession with sugar hasn’t gone anywhere and all it takes is a help-yourself frosted layer cake for me to go down the rabbit hole of just-one-more-piece.
But arguably I didn’t go down that rabbit hole very far. I didn’t go nearly as far as I have in the past. That’s progress. I also cut myself a piece of that cake to take home, but then dropped it in the garbage so I wouldn’t even be tempted to eat it today. Right now I’m back on the wagon (this is important because I’m in danger of becoming pre-diabetic).
Today I keep thinking about it. Unfortunately, this party was in my apartment complex and I can easily walk over to my neighbor’s place and wheedle for some of the sweets that were left over at the end of the night. I could send him an email or a text telling him what a great time I had and then drop a hint that I’m available to help him with any cake or donuts that he got stuck with. If he has any, he’d invite me right over.
Because I keep thinking about doing that, I’m going to tap and meditate now. I feel angry, deprived and hopeless. It’s time for a few (or a hundred) rounds of Emotional Freedom Technique tapping.